Sex in cars, it’s a practice that has been around since, well, since we stopped getting around on horses. Our automobiles have got us from A to B and from “ahhhh” to “yes!” for as long as most of us have been in existence. Love on four wheels has given couples all over the world a means by which to relieve their urges whilst on the run no matter where they are or when the need arises. But, is it REALLY enjoyable? Take a look at a few of the pros and cons and decide for yourself.
If you happen to live at home with the parents, a car can be an invaluable asset to your love life. Be it your own vehicle, your partner’s, or a generous (or oblivious) friend’s – the threat of the odd steering-wheel induced war wounds is often more desirable than being caught in the ‘Mickey’ by a parent who doesn’t knock before entering! A teenager’s life is often hard enough without the added risk of a parent finding them in a compromising position. For years, the common automobile has provided a discreet place to release those hormonal overloads.
It goes without saying of course, that the type of car you choose plays a large role in the amount of enjoyment to be had. In this case, size most definitely counts. A mini for example, will quite obviously cause problems – unless you happen to be a munchkin. A station wagon with fold back seats or a full-blown van however, pose few restrictions when it comes to finding the space to make your moves. On the same note, a hearse would also provide ample space to copulate, but is a choice which delves into a whole different sexual spectrum‚ perhaps a topic best left for the after hours Jerry Springer show.
One needs only to switch on Fifth Gear‚ to see that cars these days come with gadgets. A friend of mine recently bought a fancy new Audi with more buttons and switches than he’ll ever know what to do with. It would take a good few weeks to wade through the instruction manual before mastering the space-age mecca of flashing lights and buttons – and that’s precious time which could be used finding the partner you want to entice into your back seat.
It has to be said though, once the handbook has been read and understood, my friend will be at a distinct advantage. What could impress more than electronic fold back seats, champagne glass holders, dimmed lights and heated seats, yes, goodbye frozen private parts! Gone are the days of goose-bumps on the bottom as it protrudes loud and proud into the chilly night air. Hello interior heating! No one wants to make love in a car if it resembles a refrigerator. And no woman wants to get racy with a man only to find that sub-zero temperatures have rendered their Casanova’s asset‚ to miniscule proportions.
De-fog windows also add to the experience. When the heat is on, a little bit of condensation does wonders for keeping peeping Toms at bay, and when it’s time to get rid of any incriminating evidence – hey presto! A simple flick of a button and the high-tech de-misters go to work in a matter of seconds.
Another indisputable plus in making babies in an automobile is the diverse selection of locations you have. Be it in a car park, a deserted country lane, a private alcove overlooking the beach or the old favourite, a hill-top lookout (often named ‘snog point’ or ‘scoring summit’). Each and every one is a unique setting and comes with the added thrilling risk of getting caught in the act. The latter is particularly famous for this, as with the lovely views of twinkling town lights, also comes the dozen or so additional cars scattered along the hill top. Each and every one full of randy like-minded love birds. Also take into mind the inquisitive fourteen year olds on push bikes who love nothing more than learning about the birds and the bees through close and personal observation!
It is at this point that the inevitable topic of ‘dogging’ must come up. It is indeed a fact that for some, there is nothing better than having sex in, on or near cars and cars parks. Throw in the added ‘bonus’ of other like-minded revellers and you have a mix of car-crazy people often willing to watch or take part in car sex. New partners are often discovered, old ones re-united and current ones swapped. Apparently the notion of meeting for car sex otherwise known as ‘dogging’ is fast becoming a phenomenon. Individuals can meet up with other individuals or couples and fulfil their automobile fantasies. Obviously for some, the pros must outweigh the cons! One must spare a thought however, for the parking inspectors of the world.
But, the cons most certainly do exist; if you happen to be vertically challenged like myself, the technical logistics are minimal. If however, you happen to be of average to giant proportions, things can get a little tricky. A convertible solves any roof dramas but there is little comfort or relief in loving someone lengthways in the back or front of a car.
One indisputable con is the effort involved in undressing in a car. No sexy strips for you girls and boys. The mere task of pulling a top over one’s head (don’t forget to take that seat belt off!) is hard enough not to mention pulling down one’s pants whilst seated. For the well-practised and natural born contortionists, a car-undressing wriggle can be perfected – but is neither quick nor sexy. Setting out ‘starkers’ before you start is a much better option, just be mindful of your neighbours as you streak down the driveway.
Personal hygiene can also be a problem. Sure, the leather covered interior of a flash car may be easy to clean after the urge for a bit of ‘nookie’ is too strong to resist, but take into account the fact that you may have a long trip ahead of you. For this reason, leave any sticky, messy shenanigans to the last leg of the Sunday drive, unless of course, some ‘public amenities action’ is also part of your agenda – you dirty scoundrels!
Yes, the pros and cons are rife, but above all, whether it’s in a car, black cab, bus or golf buggy, make sure the parking break is on. And always use protection – those gear sticks can cause some serious damage!